McShayn's Love Thread: The joys and joys of dating a guy who says no to premarital sex

5 things every guy wants to hear during sex

There are more women willing to practice sexual abstinence before marriage than men.

For women who would rather stay chaste and wait for sex after marriage, there is nothing as fantastic and satisfying as finding a guy who shares that same value, a guy who intends to wait to tie the knot before exploring the pleasures of his woman’s body.

Even though it is no longer as popular as it once was, abstaining from sex before marriage remains an enviable thing. And this is not a judgement of those who prefer to sample the goods before signing the deal. If you are the type that would rather have sex before marriage, no one is indicting you here.

Actually there’s a lot said for men and women who want to engage in sexual activities before marriage. There is a whole lot of advice on how best to go about it, when to do it, best positions to take so as to feel the most pleasure, who to do with it… and a whole lot of other helpful advice.

For the minority, especially women, who still intend to engage in non-sexual relationships leading up to their marriage, not a lot is said about the struggle they have to face, especially in a world with more people wanting sex or at least, some form of sexual activity before putting a ring on it.

One of those major struggles these women deal with is the difficulty of finding someone who actually understands what it means to be in a celibate relationship. An absolutely non-sexual relationship, and not just one that shies away from actual penetration but dwells on every other thing.

ALSO READ: 3 excuses guys give when they want to avoid commitment

For some people who claim to practice 'celibacy', not much is prohibited. Kissing, heavy touching, deep petting and all other intimate physical interactions are not prohibited including anal sex sometimes. The ideal definition of sexual celibacy, however, is the total abstinence from sexual relations, and it is this idea that many women have in mind when they decide to practice celibacy.

Also, this the part where we add that there are more women willing to practice sexual abstinence before marriage than men. It's something with social constructs – girls are told to close their legs and stay virgins while boys are only told to ensure to not impregnate anyone.

So when women who want celibacy decide to date, there aren't many guys available who would subscribe to that kid of sexlessness in a relationship. Many times, women complain of being totally forthright about their disinterest in sex before the relationship began, a desire to which the guy would initially agree. However, after the relationship has kicked off, he would begin to pressure, subtly and overtly, for sex.

In other cases, while the man may not ask for outright vaginal penetration, he might be asking for foreplay, handjobs, blowjobs, asking to put in the tip and in some extreme cases, he could be stressing out his celibate girlfriend by angling for anal sex, pushing the false idea that anal sex is not sex since it is not vaginal.

This is why it is usually such joy, such pleasure and an absolute relief when women who want celibacy finally meet guys who are not only good for them in every other context, but also good for their decision to abstain from sex. Such guys are the ones who do not stay away from sex just to be with the woman. They stay away from sex because they want to.

For celibate women looking for love in this age of fast sex and slow love, getting such men is pure, pure joy.

McShayn's Love Thread is a weekly column  that aims at explaining modern relationship practices, and tries to demystify relationship myths while proffering useful advice for stronger relationships and modern marriages. You can read other articles here.

Source: lifestyle

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