Relationship Talk With Bukky: I was sexually abused; now I can’t love my partner as I should

5 signs that she may cheat on you

It's affecting my relationship. I just feel like I don't have any feelings for my husband anymore.

Dear Bukky,

Hello, I think I need help.

When I was six, my aunt's husband almost abused sexually. He would put his [penis] on my vagina but because I was a child, he could not penetrate through me.

He would tell me that if I told anybody, he would slaughter me and hide me in the bush so I kept this little secret until now. However, it's affecting my relationship. I have two kids that I don't know how I got but I just feel I don't have any feelings for my husband anymore.

What can I do? It has affected my sex life really badly. I can't even dream of sex again.

Dear reader,

I sympathize with you for having gone through what you went through. No one deserves to go through that, most especially not at that early age. And I am even sorrier for the emotional burden you have had to bear from that tender age till now. I can only imagine the amount of emotional toll it must have had on you.

But I also want to commend you for finally talking about it, and for trusting and reaching out to me with this kind of sensitive information. I feel it is indeed the first step to shedding layers of your ugly past.

What needs to be done now is to seek out a professional counsellor or expert who specializes in therapy. You need a safe zone to really air all your past experiences and present feelings, and to have someone with you who can help with processing every one of them.

You were not ‘nearly abused,’ you were really abused. What that man did to you is so, so wrong on all grounds and seeing how much effect that still has on you till date,  it is obvious that you need to face it and stop burying it.

I will also advise that you talk to your partner about it. You could choose to tell him before going to see the therapist or after your sessions have begun with the therapist, whichever one sounds good to you.

I wish you true healing and the fortitude to move on to better things from here on.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail to and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

Note; the chances of getting a quick response reduces if the text in your email has a lot of abbreviations. So, please write as properly as possible.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

Source: lifestyle

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